Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

And I thought Lancaster traffic could get hairy sometimes. Not sure where we were going (doesn't really matter because this story could be relative to any trip inside Delhi), but Bittoo, our driver was determined to get there in a hurry.

Let me back up and say that no matter where you are trying to get to in Delhi, it's always going to take between 30 min and 1 hour, unless it's between 7 and 9 PM, then it's going to take between 45 min and 1 1/2 hours.

Traffic is hilariously crazy. There are lines on the road, but they are only a suggestion and mainly a waste of paint. (We have determined they must have had road paint left over from painting lines in another city and decided to use said leftovers in Delhi)

The street layout for the city was thought about probably as long as it takes me to think whether or not PB&J would be a good choice for lunch. Side streets dart in and out. They come in to main roads at all different angles. Stop lights (few and far between) are never overhead, but usually on a post diagonal your position in the car. I rarely see them until we've already stopped.

Now to the vehicles.. So far as I can tell there are 9 main modes of transportation around the city. Walk, bicycle, bicycle rickshaw, auto rickshaw, motorcycle, car, big truck, bus, subway. Minus the subway, all said modes travel on the surface streets at precisely the same time.... and there are many, many, many of each. The goals of each: walkers: try to not get killed, and maybe stop and take a pee every once in a while; bicycles: same; bicycle rickshaw: see how much weight or volume in people or stuff one can get on the rickshaw and still be able to pedal. (i have seen several guys with loads so big they wouldn't fit in the bed of a pickup truck).. and .. try to not get killed (bicycle rics are very uncomfortable as Marshall and I found out this morning, but they're really cheap); auto rickshaw (3 wheels, prob a 20 horse motor): position the rickshaw at precisely the right spot on the road in cohorts with other auto rics so no other vehicle can pass; motorcycle: see how many times one can dart in and out of other moving vehicles and not die while attempting to get at least 2 people on the back of the motorcycle you are driving (we've seen as many as 4 on one bike; see pic below); car: some play defense, but most, like Bittoo, play a hard-charging game of offense, using every square inch of the road, and sometimes the sidewalk; big trucks: get in the way; busses: see just how many people you can fit in there; subway: not sure, I've only seen one entrance to the subway..... and finally.. the overall goal of every mode of transportation except walkers and the subway: set the world record in number of times horn is blown before arriving at destination.

Yes, that's a ladder with two men on a motorcycle.

Self-explanatory..... photo by Marshall (he made me put that)

...........

Bittoo is feeling rather bold on this particular day. He darts from one side of the road to the other, passing 14 cars in one felt swoop. He honks the horn at least once every 8 seconds. (I will write a blog later on citing the different uses of the horn.) We come within inches, no, centimeters, of taking out a man and woman on a motorcycle. Then we almost rub tires with another car... then we repeat that scenario 33 times over the next 1 mile.

We come to a stop at a stoplight behind a long line of traffic. We are all the way to the left on the street, about 150 yards from the light. A little girl comes to our window on the sidewalk side and asks us to watch her do flips on the concrete. We are admiring her talent when Bittoo decides he's waited long enough on this light. As the girl is in mid flip, he throws it in gear, lays on the gas and pops up on the sidewalk, missing the girl by 3 1/2 inches. He races up through the gears as we blow by every car waiting at the red light, times it perfectly to hit the street just as the light turns green, and comes out as the lead car in the pack of at least 250.

Only a mile up the road we see that we are going be at the tail end of another long line of traffic waiting at a light, so Bittoo puts his quick-thinking-cap on and rolls the Qualis in behind a bus as it enters the "bus only" lane to by-pass bad traffic spots. The "bus only" lanes are separated from the street by a curb and are guarded at the entrance by men with guns. We ride the bus lane for 1 to 2 miles by-passing car after car after car.. We even go through a bus pick-up station... Then we come out at another light in the lead once again.

We arrive (wherever it was we were going)..... alive.......Bittoo "007" Bond has struck............again................ whewwwww ... just another day in paradise.